Dear Mom....... depression

Dear Mom......  I'm clinically depressed.  I'm so sorry I can't be the person you want me to be any more.  I'm tired of living with this kind of pain all the time.   The only way to get rid of it is to dope myself up so much with narcotics that life really isn't worth living.  Who the hell wants to sleep all day? Not me, I'm not that type.  I need to be active, always doing something and I can't any more.  Either the nerve damage or pain restricts my movements so much now.  I wish you were here to talk to or at least get one of your great hugs.