Dear Mom.......... dark

Dear Mom.......  I'm in such a dark place lately.  Not sure if it's Christmas coming or just me.  I'm in a lot of pain too.  Between my back and nerve pain I think I'm about to lose it.  No matter what I do, sit or stand or lay down, it all hurts the same.  I take more pain killers now than I ever did and all they keep talking about is back surgery again and I am scared to death of it.  Last one left me with no difference and was horrific to go through.  I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.  Hopefully if I ever do, someone will take good care of our dogs and not split them up.  And not put Bubba down because he's ill.  He is happy and loves his sisters and Ligia, his mom.  I need one of your all encompassing, heart melting hugs Mom..........  I love you.