Dear Mom....... never ends

Dear Mom......  not that I'm glad you are no longer in my life but I am glad that you are not here to endure the shit I've been going through this year.  It would have worried you sick.  You worried too much about me so I hid a lot.  Not so you were unaware, just because I love you.  I've been having an issue with not much of a pulse in my feet so Dr. Handford sent me for tests...  ma..  I am looking at bypass surgery down the line.  My legs hurt.  It's the arteries up by my groin, both are blocked.  Even the arteries hurt, or what I assume are the arteries.  I think of Donna and what she went through with her bypass surgery.  It was a nightmare.  And other people I know.  It scares the life out of me and I wish you were here to talk to but then again, I probably wouldn't so you wouldn't be frightened.  I see Michael Kutryk in a couple of weeks for my cardiology appt.  I'll speak to him about it.  He only deals with my heart attacks but maybe he can send me to someone he knows and knows will do a good job of surgery on me.   Then I'm dealing with my back too.  The disc is bothering me again ma.  Scares me.  I can't deal with another 6 weeks of being unable to walk and more nerve damage.  My damn body is falling apart.  I'm not that old ma.  I need one of your hugs. :-(