Dear Mom........ Spring

Dear Mom,
  Been thinking about you so much lately.  Even had a dream with you in it.  Spring is here and you would be wanting to go out and see the tree's starting to blossom and the bushes too.  This is my favourite season and I know it's one of yours as well.  Today, even though it's only the end of April was well into the 70's F.  You would have just loved it.  Sunny too.  I'm finding I'm not knowing what to do with myself some days although I'm very busy with the seniors program.  My funding came through again for the upcoming year and I know you would be so proud. 

I miss you so much.  Would give anything for one of your big old hugs right now.  Today was Dee's birthday.   I can't believe she would have been 71 years old.  I hope you hugged her for me and wished her happy birthday too!  I'm sure she was just loving spending her special day with you. 

My love to you, Dee, Gram and Dad. 

Dear Mom..... darkness

Dear Mom,

  It's been so long since I've been here.  I can't imagine staying away this long.  I've been to such a dark place for so long now.  My depression is deepening and dark thoughts fill my nights and even days.  I'm in so much pain that no one can do anything more other than offer more medications that just numb the mind, not the pain. 

So many things have happened that I can't even think to add them here.  I love you Ma.  And I miss you madly.  Just yesterday I was talking to little Gina, your old p.s.w. and we were both upset about how much we missed you.  I look forward to the day I will see you again and the day I am placed to rest with you, dad, my sister and my gram.  I will have my family again.