Dear Mom.... caching!

Dear Mom.....   So much has been going on in my life these past 6 months it's just crazy.  By the time 10 pm comes along I just drop into bed I'm so damn tired.  During the day, around 4 or 5 pm, I grab a 2 hr nap if I can and I swear I need to drag myself out of that bed sometimes.

In early January I asked a friend of mine named Darcy to help me pound out a new grant that I thought I could never obtain.  43% of those that apply get it.  I also did the normal grant I apply for as well for $25,000.  The one I pounded out in January over 2 days was for $50,200.  So time came and time went and I heard nothing from either.  February passed, nothing.  I always hear in February if I'm going to get the regular grant for $25,000 and not a word.  Early March, nothing.  I figured I didn't get it.  BUT..  late March I got a call telling me they were very far behind and the grants had just been handed out and I got it again!!!  The cheque would come in April :-)

So April comes and so does the cheque :-)  Then one day the 2nd week of April I was feeling really shitty, depressed, tired, in pain and I had an appt. with the Dr.  On the way home my phone rings and I didn't recognize the name so I almost didn't answer it because I didn't feel like it.  But I did.... and what a surprise it was.  A gentleman on the other end introduced himself and he told me I got my other grant too!!  $50,200 Ma!!!  I have a total of $75,000 in grants this year. 

 I so wish you were here to celebrate with me this amazing thing.  I know you would be so very proud and happy too.  I will be able to address a lot of issues for the seniors and to be able to put $75,000 into the program in one year is knock your socks off kind of money.  They are going to have such a wonderful year this year.

And you know who I have to thank right?  You..  Without you I never would have been taught to be independent, to try for everything and that it's ok if you don't achieve everything because you tried.  You taught me so well mom..  You invested so much time and effort into me.  You have no idea how much I appreciate all you did for me and all you taught me.  I wish you were here to see that cheque and to be able to participate in it all.

Some days I ache so bad missing you...  On those really bad days I try to keep you so close to my heart to comfort me and remind me you are proud of me and what I do and who I am.  But I would give anything to see your face looking at that cheque.    xoxoxoxox mom

Dear Mom...... Spring!

Dear mom...  Your favourite season is here.  Like me, you love the heat of summer but also like me, you LOVE to watch everything come back to life.  The tree's filling out, the bushes bulging, the flowers budding and all those sweet baby animals :-) 

It was Mother's Day the other day and I had a challenge getting through it without falling apart. I could have seriously done without my dumbass sister calling to remind me it was Mother's Day, as if I needed to be reminded.'

The weather has been glorious, perfect weather to take you out for a stroll in.  The kind of weather you loved, warm with lots of sun to beat down on you and envelope you in it's warmth.

I love you mom and miss you so much.  As usual, I would give anything to have you here and get one of your big old hugs.

xoxooxx

Dear Mom....... I'm lost

Dear Mom....  I know it's been a long time.  Believe me, I haven't forgotten you.  Far be it.  You are on my mind all the time.  I'm lost these days.  I'm deeply depressed, I'm constantly so tired and I miss you so much. I am so lost without you to talk to.  I am so lost without you to hug, take care of, love.  I have no one to go to for wisdom.  I don't even get any satisfaction out of my company anymore or work that goes along with it.  Nothing fills me anymore.  My home is empty without you in it.  I don't know what to do anymore with my time away from work.  Something great happens and I turn to tell you because I know how proud or happy you would be.  My depression is out of hand, as is my pain situation too.