Shame on me for not keeping this up. My depression over the years has sunk me to a new level and I don't care about too much of anything anymore. I went to your gravesite last week. Someone took me. Don't think you could hear me, maybe you didn't want to. If anyone should have a connection it should be us but I felt dead alone there as I talked to you. Maybe once I'm in the cold ground with you it will be different. Maybe not.
I still can't find anyone I can afford to help me clean this place and it's getting worse as the days go by. Being unable to do things for myself is frustrating to say the least. I feel less and less a person as each day passes. I hate living like this. When I come home from being out my heart sinks and at times I cry. I want to live like a normal person does. In a clean and uncluttered home. And mouse free.
I love you mom..... I haven't forgotten you by any means. I've just forgotten myself :-( My health is diminishing and the shortness of breath is more often too. Can't get an appt. with my cardiologist so I'm going to see my family Dr to discuss getting off a particular medication that my cardiologist told me was probably the cause of the breathing issues. Sometimes I wake up gasping for breath and although I know it will pass, I still don't like it.
I don't like much of anything these days. I miss you terribly. I would give anything to get a hug from you.
